Shifting the Narrative on Love and Self-Care as You Process Grief

Grief often reshapes how we see the world. It changes how we feel about the past, how we experience the present, and how we begin to imagine the future. Amidst the swirl of emotions, it’s easy for self-care to feel like another “thing to do”—something to check off or something that feels too big to engage with. Similarly, we may question love itself during this time, feeling disconnected from its usual warmth and comfort.

But what if we reframed the way we view love and self-care, particularly in the context of grief? What if, rather than seeing them as tasks or expectations, we allowed love and self-care to become tools that gently guide us through the process of healing?

Love—Not As a Destination, But a Presence

Love is often seen as something we give or receive in joyful moments, but grief invites us to redefine what love means in our lives. Love doesn’t disappear with loss. Instead, love can be found in the spaces we make for ourselves as we walk through grief.

Loving ourselves during grief doesn’t mean pushing through, ignoring our feelings, or rushing to find “closure.” Instead, it means honoring the love we have for ourselves and for those we’ve lost by being present with our emotions. It’s in the moments where we give ourselves permission to grieve without judgment, to cry without guilt, and to pause without pressure. Love during grief looks like acceptance.

Rather than searching for the “right” way to grieve, love can become the steady undercurrent that holds us while we find our way. It is love when we allow ourselves to feel deeply without rushing through. It is love when we forgive ourselves for not always having the energy, the answers, or the strength to push forward.

Self-Care—A Gentle, Ongoing Practice

Grief can be exhausting, both mentally and physically. The world around us moves forward, but we may feel stuck in the heaviness of loss. Traditional ideas of self-care—like going for a run, eating healthy, or having a bubble bath—can feel distant or even out of reach in these moments. But self-care during grief doesn’t have to look like a list of things you should do. Instead, it can become a practice of simply being.

Self-care in grief can be the art of slowing down and allowing moments of stillness. It might mean taking time to sit with your emotions without forcing them to change. Self-care can be about finding small, nourishing moments in the chaos—whether that’s savoring a cup of tea, allowing yourself to rest, or sitting in quiet reflection. It is not about being productive or achieving a goal, but about being with yourself as you are.

When we shift our focus from self-care as a checklist to self-care as a mindset of kindness, we allow grief to exist as part of our healing journey. We give ourselves permission to tend to our hearts, to show up for ourselves with the same compassion we would offer to a loved one.

The New Narrative: Love and Self-Care as Fluid, Compassionate Practices

As you walk through grief, you may realize that love and self-care are not destinations, but practices that evolve with you. There may be days when love feels distant, or self-care feels out of reach—and that’s okay. It’s all part of the ebb and flow of grief.

The new narrative is this: you do not have to “move on” from grief. Instead, you can learn to carry it with love and tenderness. You can allow self-care to meet you where you are, without pressure or expectation.

In this journey, love isn’t just about joy or connection—it’s about presence. It’s about showing up for yourself in the quiet moments, even when everything feels overwhelming. Self-care isn’t about perfection—it’s about gentleness, patience, and allowing your healing to unfold in its own time.

A Compassionate Path Forward

As you process your grief, remember that love and self-care are there for you—not as goals to be achieved, but as practices to be cultivated. You are worthy of love. You are deserving of care. And most importantly, you deserve the time and space to honor your grief as it is, without rushing or forcing yourself to feel better.

This is why I offer my Mindful Grief Toolkit, designed to help you navigate grief with mindfulness and compassion, giving you gentle tools to support your healing. My self-paced video-based courses also offer practical, compassionate guidance through your grief journey, at your own pace. If you need a more personal connection, my 1-on-1 grief support sessions provide space for you to explore your grief with deep care and understanding.

Whatever you need, know that you don’t have to walk this path alone. You have everything you need within you, and you can begin with one small, kind step forward.

Take a moment to pause and listen, you deserve it.

With love and kindness,

Yasemin 

Embrace the Art of Inner Peace

Yasemin Isler | @griefcircles

The pursuit of inner peace and stillness can often feel elusive. The mind races, thoughts swirl, and finding moments of tranquility seems nearly impossible. But what if I told you that cultivating a sense of peaceful stillness is not only achievable but can be deeply transformative? And what if I also told you that the path is slightly different than what you would expect?

First, the crash course:

Do you know what that racing

or unsettled

or guilty,

or “I don’t deserve this” mind is like?

Don’t fight it either way,
whether you notice you are melting into a relaxed state of mind and, just like an alarm clock, try to disrupt it because you think you don’t deserve it,
or
you just can’t settle down and try two hard to stay in the moment and relax.

The more you fight what is here, the harder it becomes.

Let go of trying, and Just Be. How?

Give yourself the permission and the grace to feel what you feel. It is all ok. One thing that you can be guaranteed is that this moment, this feeling, will pass eventually. It may come back again. But, you will experience moments of peace and tranquility. And you will experience moments of unsettledness.

Rather than resisting whatever is here, embrace it for just a few minutes. Just as it is, without trying to change it.

Now, with all that said, let's get to work. Try a few things with me and let me know how you do:

The Challenge of a Busy Mind

We’ve all been there: lying in bed, wide awake, as our minds run through endless to-do lists or replay past conversations. The more we try to quiet our thoughts, the louder they seem to become. It’s as if our brains are hardwired to resist stillness.

Finding Your Sanctuary

Imagine a serene waterfall in the heart of a lush jungle. The constant flow of water, the gentle sound of the stream, and the vibrant greenery all contribute to a sense of calm and balance. This natural sanctuary serves as a powerful metaphor for the inner peace we seek. Just like the waterfall, achieving stillness involves a steady, continuous effort.

Practical Steps to Inner Peace

1. Mindful Breathing: Start with simple breathing exercises. Focus on your breath, noticing each inhale and exhale. This practice can help anchor your thoughts and bring you into the present moment.

   If the breath is challenging, don’t force it. Instead, focus on the sensations of your hands or feet. If that doesn’t work, focus on hearing the sounds around you. One thing that often helps me is listening to birds.

2. Nature Connection: Spend time in nature. Whether it’s a walk in the park or sitting by a body of water, nature has an innate ability to calm and center our minds.

   Observe the trees. They are all around us. In spring and summer, they glow with life and such a sight to observe. They also can have a calming affect on our bodies. Just rest your attention on a tree, if there is one in your surrounding. No expectations. Simply observing and being in the moment.

3. Gratitude Journaling: Keep a journal where you jot down things you’re grateful for. This shifts your focus from worries to positive reflections.

   Remember to include yourself in this journal. What are you grateful about YOURSELF?

4. Digital Detox: Unplug from your devices for a set period each day. Reducing screen time can decrease mental clutter and enhance your sense of peace.

   Often, the effects may not be immediate, so keep practicing digital detox on an on/off regular basis, for the sake of your mind and wellbeing.

5. Meditative Practices: Engage in meditation or yoga. These practices cultivate a deeper sense of awareness and relaxation.

   Keep reading to learn more at the end about meditations.

Embrace the Journey

Finding inner peace is a journey, not a destination. It’s about making small, consistent efforts to cultivate stillness in the midst of life’s chaos. While it may seem challenging at first, with patience and practice, you’ll discover that moments of true tranquility are within your reach.

So, take a deep breath, find your waterfall, and let the journey to inner peace begin. 🌿

Yasemin ❤️

Here are a couple of things to get you started:

1. Start Your Journey towards being with what is and room for tranquility:

When you do, you will receive a 20% discount on a 1Hr 1-on-1 session:

2. Set up a 1-on-1 with me to see how we can approach the challenges with a mindful and understanding attitude:

Why Do They Leave While You're Grieving?

I am sorry if you are feeling left out, ignored, distanced or avoided by your friends. family, or partners, while you are grieving.

To tell you the truth, I experienced this phenomenon personally each time, when my mom, dad and husband died. I heard similarly from hundreds of grieving people. It is a deeply rooted phenomenon. I have experienced friendships being strengthened with people I did not expect to be closer with after my grief.

Remain open and receive the quiet ones who remain there to be with you in grief. Let go of the ones who are not yet prepared to manage this in their own terms. It is not about you. It is about them.

Why friends leave when you’re grieving

When someone is navigating the challenging waters of grief, it can sometimes seem like friends become distant or even leave during this critical period, a phenomenon that can add layers of confusion and isolation to an already painful experience. This distancing can be attributed to a variety of reasons, each deeply human and often rooted in discomfort and uncertainty.

One of the primary reasons friends may step back is due to their own discomfort with grief and not knowing what to say or do. For many, death and loss are taboo topics, rarely discussed openly. This lack of experience and understanding can leave friends feeling helpless or afraid of saying the wrong thing, leading them to unintentionally create distance in an attempt to avoid causing more pain. They may believe that giving space is respectful or helpful, not realizing that their presence, rather than their words, is often what's most needed.

Additionally, witnessing a friend in profound pain can be a confronting reminder of one's own vulnerability to loss, prompting some individuals to retreat into self-preservation. This reaction is not a reflection of their feelings for the person grieving but rather an unconscious defense mechanism against their own fears. Despite these challenges, it's important to remember that genuine connections can withstand the tests of grief. Open communication about needs and feelings can sometimes bridge the gap, helping friends understand how to support each other through the darkest times. In moments of grief, the truest forms of friendship can either be forged stronger or recognized for their fragility.

Why partners leave when you’re grieving

Grieving is an intensely personal and profound experience that can deeply affect one's life, behaviors, and relationships. When a person is navigating through the maze of grief, the emotional turmoil they experience can place a significant strain on their relationships, including those with their partners. Unfortunately, this strain can sometimes lead to a partner leaving during what is arguably one of the most challenging times in a person's life. Understanding why this happens requires a compassionate look at both the grieving individual and their partner.

Grief can dramatically change a person's emotional landscape and daily functioning. Those in mourning may withdraw, understandably move through mood changes, or be interpreted by the other person as a change in personality as they deal with their loss. This transformation can be bewildering and overwhelming for some partners, for reasons that may not even be related to the grieving person. The partner may feel alienated, helpless, or neglected, and unprepared to support themselves or the grieving partner, in a way that the grieving person hopes for. The grieving process does not have a set timeline or a one-size-fits-all approach, making it difficult for some partners to know how to support their loved one. This uncertainty and the emotional distance that can develop may lead some partners to feel disconnected, questioning their place in the relationship and, in some cases, choosing to leave.

Moreover, it's important to recognize that each person's capacity for empathy and support varies. Some individuals might not have the emotional resilience or understanding to stand by their partner through the grieving process. In other scenarios, the relationship may have already been strained prior to the grief, and the added stress serves to further expose or exacerbate existing issues. Additionally, in facing their partner's vulnerability and mortality so vividly, some may confront their own fears and insecurities, leading them to withdraw.

While it's a deeply unfortunate outcome, it's essential for those grieving to seek support from those who can provide it, whether that be friends, family, support groups, or professional counseling or guidance. Healing from grief is a profoundly personal journey. It is crucial to surround oneself with understanding and patience, both from within and from those around.

When family members distance your grief

When a loved one is navigating through the waves of grief, the reactions and behaviors of those around them, particularly family members, can often seem perplexing or even hurtful. This distancing, whether emotional or physical, that some family members exhibit towards a grieving individual, can stem from a variety of reasons, each deeply human and complex in its own right.

Firstly, discomfort with grief is a common factor. Many people find themselves at a loss for words or actions when faced with the raw, unfiltered emotions of grief. This discomfort arises from a lack of experience or understanding of how to support someone in mourning. In Western cultures especially, where death and grief are often sanitized and hidden away, this discomfort is exacerbated. Family members may distance themselves simply because they do not know how to be present in a way that is helpful.

Moreover, witnessing a loved one in pain can trigger personal fears and vulnerabilities about loss and mortality. For some family members, engaging closely with someone who is grieving forces them to confront their own feelings about death, which they may not be prepared to do. As a defense mechanism, they create emotional distance to protect themselves from these difficult emotions. Additionally, each person's grief journey is unique, and what one person finds comforting, another might find overwhelming or distressing. This diversity in coping mechanisms can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication within families, further contributing to the sense of distance.

Importantly, this distancing behavior is not usually a reflection of a lack of love or care.

Rather, it's indicative of the complex nature of human emotions and relationships.

Effective communication can often bridge this gap, as can seeking support from grief counselors, guides, or support groups, who can offer strategies to navigate these challenging dynamics. Understanding and patience from all sides can help in slowly rebuilding connections and ensuring that the grieving individual feels supported and understood, even in the midst of their pain.

Yasemin Isler ©2024 www.griefcircles.com

Expressive Arts and Rituals in Healing Grief

When my husband died 7+ years ago, after a 6-week rare illness, our son was only 5 years old. We became friends with a few families who also experienced loss. One family created a tradition on Father’s Day to release balloons from a park at the highest spot on a nearby city overlooking Boston. That June, with my 6-year old son, we joined them. This year, when my son turned 13, my artist sister presented this painting to him, inspired by a photo I had captured of that day. It was heartfelt, emotional, and healing, for all of us. 

Artist: Yildiz Grodowski

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Being Strong - Courage and Grief

Yasemin Isler

SEPTEMBER 8, 2021

In some cultures, when someone dies, even days later, the words of consolation include “Be strong’. It seems that no one has sat down to process the visceral responses this directive of courage towards grief could bring up on the receiving end. A grieving person doesn’t really need to be told how to be, on top of the burden they already carry. They are already busy swaying between shock and mustering up courage from reserves they weren’t aware existed. There is no need for reminders of the obvious.

How intertwined the extremes of courage dance within us, to the tune that grief plays. There is such strength in being with deep sorrow and facing it. This act uses tremendous energy. One needs to preserve the energy of that courage, in order to not waste it. So, your grieving friend may avoid getting together with you or appear in large crowds, until they have enough energy to spare.

When my husband died, many loved ones out of the kindness of their hearts and cultural conditioning would tell me to “be strong.” I didn’t have the energy to respond to them in the moment, about how it felt being told to “be strong”. Instead, I focused on tending my heart, with kindness. I keep reminding those who grieve that they are already courageous just getting out of the bed in the morning. They don’t need to be reminded to “be strong.” Be kind when you see a grieving heart. Be kind, gentle and patient with your grieving heart.

#spaciousgrief #griefjourney #griefsupport #bereavementsupport

@griefcircles @mindfulgrief

“Why Do I Feel Sadder Now Than I Did Before?”

“Why Do I Feel Sadder Now Than I Did Before?”

It’s something I hear often—but usually only in quiet, vulnerable moments:

“It’s been a couple years. Shouldn’t I be past this?”

“The sadness is deeper now than when it first happened.”

“Everyone else has moved on. Why haven’t I?”

If that sounds like you, please know this:

You are not broken.

You are not grieving “wrong.”

And you are absolutely not alone.

In the early days of loss, there is often shock, structure, and support. People check in. Routines are disrupted. There is space—at least briefly—to fall apart. But as time passes, the world expects you to return to “normal,” even when your inner world has been completely rearranged.

Sometimes, it’s not until months or even years later that the real grief emerges—quietly, powerfully, without warning. You may find yourself missing them in new ways. You may feel the fatigue of carrying your sadness in silence. You may be surprised by how much it still hurts.

This is grief, too.

Not the part that gets sympathy—but the part that asks for healing.

And maybe for you, the loss is still fresh. The world may feel unrecognizable. You might be overwhelmed by the fog of early grief, unsure how to move forward—or even how to breathe.

Whether your loss is recent or years old, your grief is valid, and so is your need for support.

This is the heart of my work. I help people navigate grief in all its forms—early, delayed, complicated, quiet, overwhelming.

If you’re ready for tools, support, and space to feel your way through this chapter, I offer:

• The Mindful Grief Toolkit – a paid digital resource filled with grounding practices, reflection prompts, and calming techniques to support you when the weight feels too heavy to carry alone.

• Self-Paced Grief Courses – including Navigating Grief and others, these courses offer compassionate guidance you can return to again and again, on your schedule, from wherever you are.

• 1-on-1 Private Support Sessions – personalized, heart-centered sessions to help you feel seen, understood, and supported—no matter how much time has passed.

🎯 Book Your Initial Session →

Grief doesn’t operate on a timeline. And healing doesn’t mean forgetting.

It means learning to live with loss in a way that honors your love—and supports your life.

If you’re feeling the ache of it—now, again, or still—I invite you to take a step toward support.

You don’t have to do this alone.

Yasemin